Saturday, February 15, 2014
#426
So i finally got a chance to ask my dad about his budget for my uni education.He sort of guessed that i was interested in a Japan uni, and he said 'i don't have the money for Japan lah. standard of living so high.'
My heart broke.
Guess i'm not gonna make it to Japan unless i get a scholarship or something.
Even then i have no idea if i can make it.
I don't know if it's just the heat of the moment, but i'm really, really upset hearing that i won't be able to get to Japan.
I teared.
We'll see.
But i won't be able to do anything tonight other than mope around being sad and depressed.
I wonder if i'll be satisfied with just travelling to Japan whenever i have the money to.
Partly why i'm so upset is also because my family goes for weekly dinners out.
My mum buys lots of crystals. My dad buys lots of books. That he doesn't touch and just stores in a whole freaking room.
And my mum was like, i'm working now, so just turn on the aircon if you need to.
And when i think of all that, i'll just tear up and think, 'i just want to make it to Japan'.
And there i was just stupidly researching about universities in Japan.
I want to cry.
I feel so weak.
I feel like i won't survive in this unforgiving society.
I am so freaking lost about everything right now i don't even.
I don't know what i want to study in uni.
I don't know which uni i want to study in.
I don't what the hell is gonna happen after i graduate, or even in this last high school year.
If i don't make it to Japan, i'll probably just take Japanese Studies in NUS... or something.
I want to disappear from this world.